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thinking about: manifesting your abundance.. and also depression

Hey guys!! Long time, no write.

I’ve just not been in the most creative mood lately- idk what it is. It’s kind of frustrating honestly because I’ve had good opportunities for creation, for painting, for writing and for sketching. It’s wild lol. I’ve been putting a lot of energy towards my body and my mind, though; I'm getting myself in a routine finally, challenging myself with workout classes and trying new things in the gym… and…. I have big news. I’m not sharing that just yet though hehe. Keep reading.

SPOILER I'm not pregnant or engaged

Anyway, I think I've just been using a lot of my energy elsewhere- and especially in my MANIFESTATION. Y’all when I tell you that I’ve been manifesting like crazy and my intuition has been on hyperdrive… you would not believe me if I told you some of the things I’ve been experiencing. IT HAS BEEN NUTS!!!

If you need to learn more about manifestation, there are 3 episodes of the podcast on it- linked here, here, and here. The episode with Anna Grace Newell is my favorite just because of the personal anecdotes she provides and the info/tips she gives, I will be honest.

My journey with manifestation has been hit or miss, mainly because of the lack of energy i was putting into it for a while.. But I tell you what, I manifested Adam getting his job here in Florida, and I manifested a job for myself, too. Realizing the power I had, and also overcoming my depression and focusing my energy on creating an abundance mindset- that really encourages a person.

So when Adam applied for this job, i was probably at the most depressed I've ever been ever. I mean, bad. Suicidal ideations bad. So i started taking time every day to write in my journal about my hopefulness for this opportunity, and then at the bottom of the page I would write the name of the company over and over and over- like a 90s teenaged girl in love. I would write about him getting the job; i would write about “a year from now”, what I thought we’d be doing after he got the job. It was a little crazy obsessive- but it worked. Even Adam didn’t think he would get it, and he was so sad… I told him every day, honey, you already have it. I know you do. And… well, he did.

And that, my friends, is also kind of how I manifested myself getting hired at an art gallery. I thought to myself, just as kind of a side note, over six months ago- “you know what would be an amazing experience? Working at an art gallery.” Then, as we were planning on moving here and I was looking into the area, etc, I found a little gallery and supply store on Google maps. I thought to myself, and I even told Adam, hey that could be a cool place to work, or even just teach classes every once in a while!

Next thing you know, it’s early January and I called the gallery and the owner just so happened to answer the phone- but not really just so happened, because she is pretty understaffed so it’s often her answering the phone. I asked if she’s hiring and she told me, basically, yeah if you’re an artist. Bring some pieces and a resume and we will talk.

Talk we did, and the next week I was working there. A month and a half of working 2 days a week, she offers me a full time management position. And I accepted. BING BONG there’s the big news!!!!

This past week, since our original discussion about the possibility and the official offer and everything, I’ve been just giddy- and I’ve been thinking constantly about how more than six months ago, I offhandedly thought to myself it would be amazing to work at an art gallery. And now, here I am.

I’ve kept that hope in my pocket since then, and it’s just been simmering, waiting for the perfect moment, for the universe to be ready. I’m getting to fulfill a dream, of working with and learning from incredible artists, of studying their work and their methods. I’m getting to become a part of a beautiful community of encouraging, incredible artists here in the area where I’m living. I’m being referred to as an “artist” myself- and that’s amazing, having other artists call me an artist. It’s amazing, hearing myself confidently and honestly call myself an artist.

It’s also amazing, the amount of confidence this has given me to call myself a creator. I’m not doubting myself so much anymore; I’m proud of the content I produce and I am proud to talk about it. I am proud to call myself a creator. Isn’t that wild? To go from being scared of being judged about what you *call yourself* in terms of your “profession” to being proud of it and waiting to share about it. Wow, I hope y’all have never experienced that insecurity- but if you have, I hope you realize that there is nothing to be insecure about. Nobody’s job is better than yours, and nobody is better than you because of their job. You’re amazing and worthy and valuable and VALID- so call yourself whatever the frick you want. Artist, writer, creator, blogger, coach; be as proud when you say you’re in a creative profession as if you were saying pilot or engineer, be just as proud of a fun job as you would be of a “serious” one, and basically just love yourself.

It’s been a difficult journey for me, of learning to love myself through all these hard times and insecurities and people making me feel bad about my employment or lack thereof. Which, of course, has fed the depression. I wish sometimes that i had taken more time to enjoy where i was in that moment, unemployed or not; time to enjoy being free, time to enjoy being a creative full time (technically), time to enjoy the nothingness without letting the pressure of capitalism and expectations crush me. Learn from me- enjoy where you are, love yourself, and most importantly- be proud of yourself.

I seriously digressed from my manifestation talk- but i think in a good way. Manifestation, working on myself and meditation (though i don’t do that enough) has brought me to this place where I can recognize all of these things about myself and my life. It’s brought me empowerment and trust, guidance and excitement- and it’s taught me hope again.

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