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journal 12/6/2021 : we are MOVING

Not a lot of you will know this about me, but my parents were dipping me in the rough Atlantic Ocean when I was 6 months old. I think there’s a lot of reasons for my chaotic personality, but that cannot be a coincidence.

The ocean draws me. I feel so incredibly connected to it- perhaps her association with the moon plays into that too. The moon and I are tight, as many of you might know. And the moon and the ocean are homies. So…. it makes sense.

I’ve spent as long as I can remember dreaming that one day I'd live near the ocean. It never mattered if it was the cold Pacific Northwest or the coast of Ireland or a tropical beach bum town- it’s always been a desire. And now, from that lifetime of dreaming and a few months worth of manifestation, it’s becoming a reality.

This story can begin a handful of different places, but I’m going to start in March of 2021. I met and befriended Anna Grace Newell, a wild child woo woo influencer who I have come to absolutely adore. She started teaching me about manifestation in ways that no one else ever had- and I started to truly believe that it could work for me.

So I made myself a vision board. Posted it on my bathroom mirror so I would look at it every day, and I started focusing on it, if even for a few seconds. I used it for a handful of purposes: to combat negative self talk and boost myself up daily, to have affirmations on hand for down days, and to help me focus on meeting the goals that I had hoped for myself.

Honestly, I really suggest making a vision board, an affirmation list to hang on the mirror, whatever it is- that was incredibly helpful in so many ways, from helping me figure out exactly what it was I wanted to achieve to helping me improve how I spoke to myself.

So then, we’re living and struggling, mental health is still rough but we’re trying, finances are tight.… and suddenly Adam finds this incredible job opportunity. It’s been one hell of a year for us, so this was really stressful but also really hopeful. Moreso Adam was stressed, I was hopeful.

SO I started spending basically every morning in contemplation and manifestation; journaling my thoughts and prayers and writing the company name and “Adam is hired” over and over and over for lines and lines, like Bart Simpson in trouble. I mean I was focusing so much energy on it, and begging friends on social media to focus energy on it, and even secretly telling a very few family and friends about the possibility (against Adam’s wishes) so they could pray and manifest with me. It was a production.

And then it’s the week after the interview, and Adam is convinced he didn’t get it and keeps saying he doesn’t have his hopes up but he will be devastated if he doesn’t. And my heart is broken for this man I adore, that he thinks he can’t achieve this. So I focus harder and pray harder and believe more deeply.

And then it happens. He grabs my hand and brings me to his computer where an offer letter (that I first have to read because I’m afraid it's a rejection because he isn’t saying any words) is pulled up on the screen. And the tears start to absolutely flow.

The gratefulness. The amazement that our trials were FINALLY ending and we could finally take a breath.

But then there was the panic of, we have to move! QUICKLY! We have to secure housing, to procure a UHAUL, to plan our logistics. We have to figure out how to move 69 plants, a puppy and a 2 bedroom apartment of heavy antiques.

There’s still so much excitement and overwhelming gratefulness, don’t get me wrong! And we are so thankful for the opportunity. But it’s so interesting: how the stress of not knowing transferred immediately into the stress of moving.

And then… there’s the sadness I keep feeling, too. Adam not so much, he’s not a particularly sentimental person. If you know me, or have read even one single blog here, you know I’m incredibly sentimental, though. Very emotional little girl. It’s the time of year that’s doing it to me more than anything, though. Like yes, I am so stinking excited for a new start and new opportunities, because I had started to feel stifled here. Our new location, I think, will provide me with NEW inspirations and new opportunities that I am so thrilled to experience, because it will be like nothing I’ve quite experienced before. A whole new world, if you will. *que Aladdin pulling up on his carpet to fly me instead of me having to drive 11 hours*

I got distracted. Anyway, the time of year. The holidays. My love of family festivities and bonding and strong traditions that I’ve never in my life missed… traditions that I have driven 2 and 3 hours in the early early morning after working a late night to not miss… traditions I have prioritized over all others. And now I have to miss it. And I am absolutely broken.

The coping mechanisms are really hitting me; I’m planning our Christmas meal and our itinerary. I’ve figured out where the closest seafood market is, and it’s close y’all so that’s exciting. And I’ve been to Target to buy a handful of easy-to-pack Christmas decorations. Our Target sucks though so hopefully our new target will be better hehe. Positives, right!?

So then that’s the thing. We’re moving ot the Gulf side of Florida, and our apartment is going to be literally so close to the water. Like I’ll be able to walk Wynn to the bay. That shiiiii is AWESOME. This is literally the dream I’ve been hoping for for years and years and years!! I am so absolutely thrilled, but I’m also a little apprehensive, a little sad. It’s hard to come to terms with that, and tell yourself that it’s ok to be happy and sad at the same time (as Kacey Musgraves said).

It is definitely a rollercoaster of emotions though, I will be totally real. I’ve travelled the world and I’ve always dreamed of moving out of Kentucky and even out of the country; but now that it’s here, man it’s a little scary. I am so beyond grateful to have Adam and Wynn to do it with, though. To have this new amazing adventure in front of us, and to be able to share all of those feelings and all of these opportunities with your best friend is pretty amazing.

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